They say that summer is here. The time for Wimbledon, picnics in the park and barbeques. However, it seems to me that for many Asian people, the marriage season is also upon us. I have recently had two interns from an Asian background in my Parliamentary office. Apart from the correspondence and research that they help out with, we do sometimes get the chance to chat as well! When I enquire about weekend or summer plans, attending several weddings seems prominent in their diaries.

Marriage is a rite of passage common to all of us, but we all have different ways of celebrating. So, with my inquisitive mind, I enquire about these weddings – and what a learning experience this is. One of the interns, who is from a Hindu background, describes a whole series of parties and events that wedding guest must attend before the actual wedding takes place. There is a world rich in colours and rituals that I am immediately transported to. It seems like the wedding itself is more or less the climax, or the formality at the end of all this fun and frolics. One such ritual that particularly stays in my mind is where the bridegroom’s shoes are taken and hidden at one of the events by the friends and family of the bride. These can only be returned if the bridegroom is willing to part with some cash – and the wedding ceremony itself will take place only after this happens. To me, this seems a brilliant way of ‘breaking the ice’ between the respective families of the bride and the bridegroom – and of course is also a great way of testing the bridegroom’s mettle!

The other intern is from a Muslim background. I find his descriptions intriguing as they offer a different picture of Islam than the one we are constantly being presented with. He does re-iterate that he wasn’t brought up in a strict Islamic environment, but was aware of his religious heritage. His descriptions also consist of many events and gatherings, of a lot of preparation, delicious food, DJs and fun. Again, the wedding ceremony seems to be just a small part of a much bigger picture. He also speaks of the religious ceremony, telling me that at the last such wedding he went to, the imam went to great lengths to stress that in Islam, a marriage that does not have the full and genuine consent of both the bride and the bridegroom, is deemed to be invalid. He also tells me that the bride, who is sitting in a different location to the groom at the time of the religious ceremony, has to be give her consent three times, in front of two independent witnesses, before the marriages can be officiated. His descriptions certainly do challenge the notion that is sadly held by many that Islam is oppressive religion, especially towards women.

However, I am also well aware that problems do exist. There are still instances of people in the Asian community being forced into marriages and of course there is terrible scourge of ‘honour’ killings – a complete misnomer in my opinion. One of my interns tells me that for some families, matters of family pride and standing in the community are put of ahead of the true happiness of a child. Now, I can understand that there is a certain comfort and security to be found in maintaining a strong community unit and consolidating it through marital ties, especially if you are a minority ethnic group. However, I do believe that the Asian community is firmly part of our wider community, and that our Asian youth should not see a clash of cultures, where the two are mutually exclusive, but rather should see how cultures can co-exist and complement each other.

My interns say that things have moved on a lot from the times of the parents’ generation, where many marriages were forcefully arranged. Whereas a lot of young Asians do still marry into the same ethnic and religious communities, for various reasons, there is a minority who are delaying marriage to pursue careers or marrying into other cultures. Basically, there is no longer a ‘one size fits all’ policy, nor should there be my intern argues. I think this is the right mentality; acceptance and tolerance go a long way. Please enjoy any weddings you will attend this summer – oh, and of course all the parties and gatherings beforehand!