Slouching at the Despatch Box is the name of the game!

The ‘Despatch Box’ is the box (placed on a desk) at which the Labour and Conservative frontbenches stand in Parliament when speaking. The objective appears to be to demonstrate a macho nonchalance (regardless of gender) and an ‘I am soooooooo relaxed – hey – I don’t even need to stand up straight to deliver my speech which I am pretending is off the cuff – but which is actually written out in front of me’ sort of demeanour. You can smell the testosterone.

The ace sloucher during the Home Affairs debate on the Queens’ Speech was David Davies.

I know! I know! I have only been here for two minutes and I am getting above myself even daring to comment on my elders and betters – or in the case of the two new Tory frontbench boys in short trousers – my youngers and betters. But leadership is in the air of the corridors of power around which I am now wandering – mostly lost – as the maze that is the Palace of Westminster refuses to swim into a logical geographic order in my mind.

I cast my first vote last week. There is this whole performance with the ‘ayes’ going through one lobby to vote and the ‘noes’ the other. Now – to a new girl this is very confusing even though they operate a one-way system. I am sure within a week or two, just like having to bow/nod as you enter and leave the chamber, it will be as if I had done it all my life.

However, I am mildly concerned that I will accidentally wander through the wrong lobby and so vote the wrong way. Whilst worrying, I find myself next to my new best friend Boris.Boris ‘I dare you to mess up my hair’ Johnson and I were on the first Question Time after the election – and I bonded with him (possibly unbeknown to him). Or more accurately – I was grateful that he was so funny he made me laugh and relax.

I asked Boris if the lobby I was heading for was the right one? Boris didn’t seem to know. I pointed out that he had actually been here for some time. He charmingly meandered on through and I followed him – happily finding some of my own kind in the lobby thus indicating I had gone the right way! Phew!

The leadership contests pervade the Westminster air. The Tories are at it. And Labour are at it too. The Lib Dems are a bit left out being happy with their own leader! Little enclaves and whispers – don’t you just love it?

The really interesting situation is Labour. When will Tony go? You can’t tell by looking at him (and yes – it is funny the first time you see these guys for real a few metres away). The current (and laudable) contest between Tony and Gordon as to who can do more for Africa shows their rivalry in all its glory.

I don’t think we really know yet what Gordon Brown would be like as Prime Minister. He’s had this strange (or is that convenient?) tendency to go all quiet and slip into the background when the going’s got tough on many issues. Indeed, when he briefly sticks his head over the parapet – such as to back Blair’s line on Iraq during the general election – it suddenly becomes big political news. Yet at other times, he and the Treasury are all over the details of everyone else’s department. As Prime Minister he can hardly carry on going AWOL when inconvenient big issues strike – but what would he really be like under pressure, on the spot with nowhere to hide?

See – how seductive it all is? I must not be sucked in. I must not be sucked in. I must not be …